I’d like to try something new here on Sailing In The Sun. I’d like to start reflecting on the previous month and expressing my goals and ideas for the month to follow. I feel like if I write it out and post it publicly, I’m more likely to A. stick to those goals, B. have a clearer idea of what I want to achieve, and C. have a better understanding of myself and where I want to be presently.
May 2018 Reflection
May was an active month with lots of shifts in my personality and priorities. I went to my first wedding, questioned my faith, spent a lot of time outside gardening, worked for my Dad and Grandpa, and completed reading another book. I’ve learned about myself in terms of what is meant for me and what isn’t, and I’ve developing a slightly narrower focus on what I’m meant to do (although it’s still very fuzzy and confusing). In the month of May, I made it my mission to get out of the house as much as possible. After a Canadian winter of hibernating indoors for sixth months, I wanted nothing more than to get outside every moment I could.
I’m Always Changing
One thing I’ve come to terms with in the month of May is, an activity I loved as a teenager can become an activity I’m not interested in as an adult (which sounds like common sense when I write it out). I went from a sixteen year old who loves concerts, fashion, and boybands. To a twenty year old who loves gardening, yoga, and cooking. In 2016-2017 I went through an english literature phase, which made me adamant I wanted to be an fiction writer. But I’ve fallen out of that as well. I realized I’m still changing all the time – who I am now won’t be who I am in a year. It can be hard because it makes me not feel ready to choose a degree or career path. How can I choose one when my interests now might not be what they are in a year?
I’m More Comfortable with Myself
It amazes me how I feel towards myself is forever shifting. I probably feel the most sound with myself in terms of anxiety and self-confidence than I ever have. Just a couple years ago I felt uncomfortable simply leaving my house on my own. Now I can’t wait to get outside, it’s the first thing I think of when I open my eyes in the morning. As soon as I wake up, I’m outside within five minutes of leaving my bed. After years of my anxiety keeping me in, this feels like pure freedom for me, and I’m enjoying every minute of it.
During the second week of May, I uploaded my first blog series called The Self-Love Series to promote self-love. Yet, ironically, that was the week I was not feeling very loving towards myself. I was crying, struggling, and feeling frustrated most the week. Fortunately, with the upload of the Series, each day I was reminded to love myself despite not feeling it. And by the end of the week, I was feeling somewhat better. 🙂
My spirituality was tested in May. I got really into crystals and different laws of the universe at the beginning of the year. During the second week of May, it tapered. I was struggling with a personal problem, and the frustration and anger that came with it, made these spiritual ideologies suddenly seem ludicrous to me. I still love the idea of spirituality, but I don’t feel connected with it like I used to. I’m much more skeptical now, which I’m hoping will change in the future. I feel like I just need distance from it at the moment.
The Royal Wedding
History was made with the Royal Wedding, and a new female inspiration was born. Meghan Markle not only has a lighthearted, cheerful demeanour, but she’s also hardworking, intelligent, beautiful, and has had great success in her life. I wish I had heard about her years ago. She’s been added to my list of female inspirations.
A Groundbreaking Revelation Has Occurred
I underestimate my abilities! Bet you haven’t heard that one before. I know I’m not the first person, or the last. I’ve always had this feeling thats held me back (which I always thought was my anxiety). It wasn’t until my Mom told me I need to believe in myself more, and I was reading a book that made me realize I hold myself back. Just the sentence I underestimate my abilities gives me so much clarity. It makes me realize it may be less so my anxiety that holds me back, and more so underestimating myself. Shifting my perspective from underestimating, to believing in myself, might (and hopefully does) contribute to more success in the following month. 🙂
June 2018 – Looking Forward
I can’t believe we’re in the sixth month of 2018 (I’m crying with you). I’m still processing Christmas 2017 haha.
This month I would like to accomplish the following things:
1. Sign up for drivers ed.
2. Be more active on my blog, including uploading a new series and book reviews.
3. Wake up earlier (I’ve been trying to do this for months, and today I finally woke up at 7:20!)
4. Do more cardio (I literally don’t “cardio” lol. I used to workout all the time, I’ve just majorly lost the habit. It’s called being a potato) while continuing on my goal of 365 days of yoga (I’m on day 206!)
That’s all I can think of for now as goals, but if I think of anymore as the month progresses I’ll definitely come back and revise this. I think it’s a good start. 🙂
The Struggle With Goals
I think the hard thing for me when it comes to goals is, I’m so lost on what to do and where to start. And when you don’t know what you want, it makes it impossible to set goals. I’m a twenty year old with the world at my fingertips. I can do anything and be anything I want, and that feels like so much pressure and makes me so restless and confused. I find it hard to relax a lot of the time because I want to get started but I don’t know where to start. Half the time I don’t know who I am cause I’m always learning so many new things about myself and changing. One minute I like something, the next I don’t. It drives me crazy at times.
Taking Action and Making Progress
I want June to be a month of action and progress. I’ve come to realize I’m not going to achieve anything sitting and questioning what I want to do. The only way I’m gonna realize what I want to do, is if I take action and try new things. It’s just A. finding the courage to do these things, and B. deciding what to try and take action on.
Signing up for drivers ed alone would be amazing. I think if I can accomplish that one thing, I’ll be happy and proud of myself. I want to go at a pace that’s comfortable for me and my mental health, and also keeps my energy positive and flowing so I continue striving for progressive success in the months to come. Cheers to another month, may yours be filled with love and success as well. 🙂
Comment down below goals you would like to achieve in June! All goals are welcome (maybe I’ll even add them to my goals list!). Happy goal planning! 🙂